So, usually by this time I start to feel excitement about upcoming holidays. I guees - not this year. Ther's no snow left, only mud. And that is also how you can call the state of my mind. Mud.
It's silly how easily I got tired of people and city I dreamd of for so long. But the city full of people seems so dead to me, all those grumpy faces just makes me want to go back to my town, and cuddle with my cat.
It's not that bad all the time, of course. Only at those moments, when everything keeps falling down from my hands, when every thought gets blown away like a little grain of sand, when even my love gets full of citys grumpy feeling.
It's not that bad. Today, at the balcony one of my neighbours showed up, and the firs thing he said was "what's wrong? You don't smoke usually" and then we had a seriuos talk. That made me happy, that made me not feel all alone.
Though this doesn't change the fact, that going to university is a great pain for me. I hate seeing all those fake-girly girls, their stupid faces, tones of make up, fake smiles, annoying loughs because of unfunny jokes, and the fact that every of them is trying to show how she's better. So what even if I also think, that I am better? At least I am not shoving my oppinion to everyone.
3 more days and I'm going back to my town. To my home. To my mom, and my cat, and my friends, and my bed. I hope I will rest. I hope I'll clean the poison of this city out of my mind, because I can feel, how it is slowly destucting my mind.
Smile, hilodays are near.
2013.12.17
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